the one about my latest heart info

As most of my friends and blog stalkers know, I have a weird heart issue. It was a rare thing that was brought on by my one and only pregnancy. I don't really talk about this much, not because I don't like to, but because I HATE for people to feel like I am a sympathy seeker. I feel like this is the hand I have been dealt and I am really ok with it. Everyone has their issues and problems, this just happens to be mine. If you don't know my story, and you are interested to read about it, here are the links to my blog posts about it.

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Obviously you can tell it is a pretty long story.

Anyway, I went in for a check up in November. No biggie, just standard yearly refill the meds, etc. I actually went to a new doctor this time. He comes to our local hospital and he is on our insurance. Our insurance changed and my Doctors at the U were no longer on our plan. I always hate going to the cardiologist because I am always the youngest person in the waiting room by about 50 + years! And they all look like they are on their last leg as they are lugging around their oxygen tanks and wheelchairs. When I went in the exam room and met my new Doctor, he was shocked to see me looking so young and healthy. He said after consulting with my old docs and reading my chart, he expected to see someone more sickly and unhealthy. We talked about everything I had gone through over the past 7 1/2 years. We also talked about the severity and rareness of my disease. He explained to me that they are learning more and more about this disease and that basically, Peri-partum cardio myopathy (PPCM) is curable. Congestive heart failure (CHF), however, is not. People with PPCM and CHF can live a normal MEDICATION FREE life, as long as certain steps are taken to prevent a relapse. He also said that as long as my heart Ejection Fraction, the amount of blood that your heart pumps with each beat, has not decreased, I would be considered cured of PPCM and could stop taking medication. The day I was life-flighted to the U, my ejection fraction, or EF, was 27%. A normal EF is somewhere around 55-75%. I was told it would never get above 40% ish. It would be impossible considering all of the damage that occurred to my heart during and after my pregnancy. Two years later, my EF had increased to 55%. My Doctors were shocked and thrilled. I was actually in the "normal" range. My heart was still enlarged and "sluggish," but still amazing news. At that point, we discussed going off my meds, but decided it was still a good idea to stay on it for prevention. With all of the new research, it was determined that the only "prevention" is no pregnancy. My new Doctor ordered another echo just to make sure it was still around 55%. I went in last week and everyone was amazed to find out that EVERYTHING had become normal and my EF had gone up to 68%!! Unbelievable!!! So, I get to go off my heart medication!!! This is the best news I had heard in a long time. It sounds easy to be able to just quit taking medication, but that is not the case with this medicine. It is a Beta-Blocker and that makes your heart beat the same rhythm no matter what. It took MONTHS to build this up in my system. I started with 0.650 mg, then 0.325 and finally got it up to 100 mg. It is one of the hardest medicines to be able to build a tolerance. I was literally a zombie through this transition. My body hurt everywhere, I was weak and so tired. Once I got used to 100 mg, I was pretty good as along as I didn't miss a dose. Miss a dose = feel like total crap again. There are many side effects and limitations with a Beta-Blocker, but one of the worst for me has been the unchanging heart beat. If I do any type of cardio exercise, my heart rate never changes. That means that as my muscles work harder and need more oxygenated blood, they don't get it. No matter what. So I tire very quickly! Of course I am thrilled to get past that and be able to exercise, take cold medicine, have more energy etc. etc. etc. But I am very nervous about the transition. I was told getting it out of your system is easier than building it up, but it is still rough. Starting last Thursday, I was directed to cut to 50 mg. It has been a rough couple of days, but I am surviving. My last 50 mg dose is Wednesday and then.... NOTHING! I will be done! I can't believe it. We were sure I would be on this FOREVER! Really, this is a huge deal for me! My energy level has suffered, but I know that in a month or so, it will be over. I am so so so happy, scared, excited and nervous, among other emotions. I don't like thinking that I will be "back to normal," because I feel like there is no normal. Everybody's "normal" changes all of the time. Normal for me before all of this happened when I was a 23 year old woman, is completely gone. Normal for me as a 30 year old woman on heart medication is almost gone. So I am excited to find a NEW NORMAL! And I am excited to finally share this info with you. I have only told about 4 people because I don't want people to feel sorry for me and see me as a sickly girl with a weird heart thing. I want them to see me as Mandy. Brett's wife. Quayd's mom. Mandy.

the one about Quayd's birth... part 1

I have been inspired. Several of you have been writing about the birth of your children. I LOVE reading these stories. I have mentioned in my blog that I would tell my story some day. Well, someday has finally come. A lot of you know... I had quite an "experience" having my little Quayd. I have wanted to write it all down for quite sometime, just never really got around to it. It was a strange time for me. It was the most wonderful experience of my life, but as a lot of you know, it was a very hard time too. I experienced such highs and lows. Our family was so blessed through this time and I witnessed MANY miracles. It is something I hope I will never forget. But I have been worried about forgetting some of the small details, that is why I have wanted to record it all. It is a LONG story, so I am going to post it in parts. The first part will be about my pregnancy.

I am worried about you getting bored with it all, so don't feel obligated to read. As I have said many times before... This is my journal. I write for me and I try really hard to express my true feelings. I don't like feeling like I have to write for an audience. Also, my story will get really deep in parts. Don't get freaked out. I will really try to tell it how it is. I am not afraid to talk about it, so I guess I won't be afraid to write about it either. If you ever have questions, its fine to ask. I am an open book. And I am not freaky or over sensitive about it, so really. Just ask.

If you know nothing about my story, you are probably wondering what in the crap I am talking about. Well, it might take a couple of posts, but then you will see.

And now, one last thing before I start... I am in NO WAY WHAT SO EVER seeking for sympathy. This is just a crazy story I want to tell. Pah-Lease, don't feel like you have to feel sorry for me. I am very content with my life and I know that this happened to us for a reason. I don't want to be one of those people who over tells their story, so I will tell it this time, but that's it. So here goes nothing....

I got married to Brett when I was 19, almost 20. I know. I was a BABY! And so was he, at 18. We were not pregnant at the time, so stop wondering! Because we were so young, we knew we didn’t want kids right away, so we didn’t start trying for about a year an a half. Once we started “trying,” it didn’t came as easily and quickly as we had thought. Now, looking back, I realize it came pretty quickly after all. Especially knowing what would happen during and after pregnancy. It is easy to see now how Heavenly Father prepared us for the trial we were about to endure.

I had this crazy fertility tester! My friend found it on the Internet and it was this experimental thing from France or something. It is called “The Donna” and I still have it! How they ever figured it out is beyond me, but somebody discovered that you can detect fertility and ovulation from your saliva. So this little lipstick shaped tool had a type of microscope in it. You remove the lens and lick it, then let it dry completely and look through the microscope. Certain patterns on the lens told you if you were ovulating. If it just looked like random dots, no ovulation. If you had a “Fern” pattern, that meant ovulation. So my usual routine was to lick the thing in the morning before I showered then within about ten minutes it was ready, so I would check it as I stepped out of the shower. (Seriously, SO many HORRIBLE diseases in the world and some freak figured out that fertility is detected through saliva. CRAZY!) I got this tool about a year before I delivered Quayd. I had been using it, but noticed that I didn’t ovulate very often. I was still young and not extremely worried, so I had not gone to a Doctor or anything just yet. After a few months, I had decided that the silly thing was a hoax and there was no such thing as a “fern pattern.” Now this is getting into the almost TMI (too much information) section, but I will keep it clean. Brett LOVES to give this part of the story, but I just get a little embarrassed. So, please know I am totally blushing just typing this part! Anyway, we woke up on Christmas morning, 2001. I licked the dumb Donna. We went to Brett’s mom and dad’s house for the usual Christmas morning festivities. We came home and, well, you know! We just spent the rest of the morning relaxing and stuff. We had another family dinner later that afternoon, so we finally got moving and showered and stuff. I am a creature of habit and as I got out of the shower, I looked at Donna. Well, boy oh boy, did she have a surprise in store for me! Unmistakable fern pattern covering the WHOLE lens! This is so cliche’, but we knew at that moment that I was pregnant. We just felt it. Well, of course, you can’t take a pregnancy test that soon, so we had to be patient.

About a week and a half or two weeks passed and I knew it was getting close to period time. I had a pregnancy test at my house, because, as I mentioned, we had been trying. I got up one morning and decided I would try it. Brett and I were both getting ready for work. I peed on the stick, and NOTHING! Dang. We were so disappointed, but also knew we were sorta jumping the gun. We decided to try again in a couple of days after we had prayed long and hard for NO PERIOD! Well I came home from work that afternoon and went to the bathroom. I noticed the test in the trash can. I pulled it out, and I couldn’t believe it. One line meant not pregnant, and 2 lines meant pregnant. Well the first line was VERY bright, that means the test is working. But I could see a very faint second line. HOLY CRAP!!! I didn’t want to call Brett and get him way excited and he wouldn’t be home for a little bit, so I remembered I had another test in the cupboard. Brett and I had a deal that I wouldn’t do a test without telling him first. We wanted to be together through the whole thing. (Except the actual peeing thing. He didn’t want to be in the bathroom with me for that.) But I really hated to get him excited, so I went ahead and peed on that test without telling him. OH MY GOSH!! Again, one bright line, one really faint line. Now I didn’t know what to do. Do I tell Brett and risk him being mad at me??? I decided I better tell him when he got home. In person. But first, I needed more tests!! I quickly ran to the store. I bought another 2-pack. Once I got home and looked at the test again, I was really baffled. Brett came home and I sat him down and broke the news to him. HE WAS SO EXCITED! He said, “Well, we need more tests!” So immediately I pee on ANOTHER one! Same result. We decided to wait a day or two before we did the last test. Well by 9:00 that night, we couldn’t stand it and I peed on that one too. Two lines, one bright, one faint. So I called my friend Tara and told her to come over right then! She did, and when she looked at the 4 tests, she laughed and said, “Well, what do you think?” I was freaking out and said I didn’t know what to think. She was so calm and said, “Well, I think 4 positive tests is a pretty good indication.” Well, I still felt like I needed a positive answer from a Doctor, but it was Friday, so I would have to wait until Monday. We ended up going to Payson for the weekend for a baby blessing. We went to Costco in Provo in search of an economy pack of pregnancy tests but couldn’t find any. So we bought some bouillon cubes instead. First thing Monday, I called our family Doctor’s office. The receptionist said I could just come in and do the test. I probably wouldn’t be able to see the Doctor. I didn’t care, I just wanted an answer. So I went in and took the test. Brett was at work, and I was supposed to be at work but I left. I couldn’t stand it. So I did my thing and they told me to wait in the lobby for 5 minutes. Well, that was the longest 5 minutes EVER! They finally call me back, put me in a room, and asked me to wait for the Doctor, who happens to be a good family friend. I thought that was a little weird. She came in and was so excited to tell me the news! I started crying, she started crying, and it was just great. She doesn’t do OB, so she recommenced me to another Doctor in town and told me to keep her posted. I couldn’t wait to get to Brett’s work and tell him. As soon as he saw me, he knew and we hugged and cried and jumped around and yelled and all sorts of stuff! It was amazing. I will never forget the happiness I felt at the moment. It is hard to forget because when ever I look at Quayd today, I get that same feeling.

About a month after I found out, I was going on vacation. Brett’s aunts Debbie and Glenda had invited me to go to New Orleans. This trip had been in the works for several months. I was excited to go, but the morning sickness was just starting to set in. I did fine though and we ended up having a great time. When I think back of that trip, I just think of how annoying I probably was. I was still on a pregnancy “high.” This trip was planned during the 2002 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City. Brett had actually got a temp-job doing security for the Olympics. (He had just finished Police Academy in December.) It actually worked out great because I was gone while he was working out of town, and when we flew in and out of Salt Lake City, I got to see him. Kinda Cool. Anyway, a few days after returning home, I had the dreaded pregnancy exam. Ewwww. But all was well and I was SO excited to be able to hear the heart beat. That just made it so real for me.

I did have little spells of morning sickness, but nothing to major. I gagged myself brushing my teeth a lot, but I do that anyway. I never really threw up, I was just super nauseated. I could usually tone it down with crackers and stuff.

I had my ultrasound to determine the sex on April 17th. (I know it is weird that I know that, but I remember freaky things. Besides, that is Aunt Rhonda’s Birthday, and I just always remember that date. Weird. I know.) We had talked about names A LOT. We were excited, what can we say. Soon after I found out I was Pregnant, Brett was looking at my scrapbook magazines while in the bathroom. He had found a page with the name “Quayd” on it. He asked me what I thought, and I just knew that was the name, if it was a boy. For girl names, we had it narrowed down to two names, Chloe and michaela, but neither of them sounded quite right. We were so sure we were having a girl, by the way! So the Quayd thing was in the back of our minds, but we were really struggling with the girl name. We also knew we wanted to incorporate “michael” into the name, after Brett’s dad. Besides Brett and I, he was the most excited for the new baby. So once we knew it was a boy, and he was gonna be named Quayd, we knew Michael would be the middle name.

(I am so embarrassed to post this picture. It was taken the day before I had Quayd and it has been in hiding ever since. I hate it! But I want you to get the whole effect of how puffy I was. Crazy huh!)

By this point in my pregnancy, I was starting to get REALLY swollen and puffy. At each Doctor’s visit, my blood pressure was higher than the last visit. I was also showing signs of gestational diabetes. I had to have all of the test for it, but was never considered to have it; I was just borderline. It was controlled with diet. But a little while later I was diagnosed with Pre-Eclampsia, therefore, my pregnancy was considered high risk, and I was put on bed rest. I was working as a secretary at on oil field office at the time, and since my job was very low stress, I was still able to work. I just had to stay down as much as possible. That only lasted a few weeks before I was put on strict bed rest. By this time it was summer, and HOT!! Probably the hottest summer in the history of summers. I would just lay on the floor under the swamp cooler for hours. I was miserable. Truly. I was so swollen and disgusting. Its weird, but looking back, I really don’t remember a lot of this time spent in bed. I don’t know if subconsciously I blocked it out, or if I was sicker than anybody really realized. As this story played out, I think it was more likely the latter.

K, that is all for today. You will have to keep checking back for more of my soap opera!