theone about Quayd's birth... part 3

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You know, I have this whole thing typed up, I just don't want to overwhelm you so I am posting in pieces. And I felt bad that I didn't have any good pictures to go with this part, so I found some off the internet.

So everything went pretty well at the hospital. I tried to nurse, but it just wasn’t happening. I was really frustrated about that, but finally decided that I am not a terrible person for not being able to do it. (Looking back now, I realize that me not being able to nurse was actually another miracle in the making.) I delivered on a Friday and got to go home on Sunday afternoon.

Monday was Labor Day, and probably the first day of my downhill battle. Brett didn’t have to work, and neither did my mother-in-law. I was really stressed about my dirty carpet and Gleneita offered to come and help Brett clean it. Mike came too and he was on baby duty. It is so weird looking back, but I was so sick at this point. We should have caught on. I had NO desire to hold my baby or anything. I slept all day on Monday. And I really don’t remember much of the day. The baby would cry, and I should have had the mother instinct to help him, but it just wasn’t there. I didn’t really care. Isn’t that terrible? I just felt like crap. I didn’t know that what I was feeling was abnormal. After all, I had never had a C-section before. I was much more worried about how I was going to take care of this baby all day Tuesday. Alone.

Tuesday morning, I woke up feeling even worse. I was all alone. I should have been ecstatic to be home with this cute new baby. But I didn’t even care. Another miracle happened on this day. Here is this brand new baby needing so many things from his mother and she couldn’t pull herself off the couch. I really don’t even remember if I fed him that day. He never really cried. I never really woke up. Some friends from my ward (Jamie and Michele) stopped by to see us, and I hardly remember it. I remember them being all excited that I had a baby, and I’m like, “What baby?” It wasn’t really that bad, but pretty much. Brett came home from work and I couldn’t wait to go to bed. I had started this annoying cough and if you have ever had incisions on your belly, you can imagine how badly this hurt. I would hold a pillow really tight on my stomach and try to cough a little. Ohhhh it was awful. It got worse and worse through the night. I was sure I had caught some kind of a cold or something. Early in the morning, I felt like I should go to the hospital, but we decided to wait until my doctor was in the office because he knew everything that was going on with me already. I was sure I could wait until then. Brett called Mike to see if he could come and stay with the baby while he was at work. I stayed in bed and hacked and coughed. As soon as the Doctor’s office opened, Brett called to get me a prescription. My OB was doing surgery that day so he wasn’t in the office so we he called the family/friend Doctor that told me I was pregnant in the first place. She was hesitant to call anything in without seeing me, so I had to go in. I was so bugged! Her office was on the second floor and I really didn’t think I could make it up the stairs. There was an elevator, but just walking out to Mike’s truck was bad enough, I knew I couldn’t make it that far. So sweet Mike went in the building, found a wheelchair, brought it out for me, loaded me in and put Quayd’s car seat on my lap. He pushed me to the elevator and we went in the office. I was hacking and coughing away and they took my pulse-oxygen level. It was 23. (It should be in the 90's) So they were panicking all around, and I seriously had no idea what was happening. They rushed me down to the hospital to have some chest X-Rays, but then had to get past all of the technicalities and check me in and stuff. It was so stupid. So instead of having me out in the hospital where people could see how sick I was, they decided to put me in an outpatient room and I swear, I waited there forever. They just wheeled me in there and left me. I actually found out later that Mike was out in the hall chewing them all out for just leaving me. He was trying to get them to acknowledge that something was seriously wrong. I am sure the nurses were scared too. It was crazy and I was seriously just sitting there dying. I could see a phone across the room, and thought I better try to call my mom. I didn’t want to bug her and I didn’t want her to feel like she had to come down, but I was pretty scared and I wanted my mommy. Mike had already called Brett. But looking at that phone across the room (probably only 5 feet away, max) I just got so upset because I didn’t think I could wheel my self over to it. I was so weak and sick and not at all in my right mind. I didn’t really have any pain, just weakness. I just wanted to lay down. I did call my mom. I wish I could remember it. I do remember telling her not to freak out and that I would let her know what was happening. I am sure at that point she was already out the door. I finally got to go back for my X-rays. It was so hard to stand there. I just wanted it to be over. Then I think we went to the ER. I remember being in one of the ER rooms, and seeing Mike out in the hall freaking out at the nurses. I was half embarrassed wondering what in the heck he was saying to them. (If you knew him at all, you know he was a bit of a hot head!) I also remember seeing my sweet baby in his car seat on the floor in the hall. All alone. Really there were people right there by him, including Mike, but I couldn’t see any of them. Mike was out there telling the Doctors that he wanted Life Flight on the way RIGHT NOW! I didn’t know all of this though. My blood pressure was so out of control that they didn’t want to talk in front of me and get me upset. They were afraid I would have a stroke. Anyway, I was so upset seeing Quayd out there and I finally got the receptionists attention. I didn’t know her, but I asked her to PLEASE hold my baby. I was so upset that he was on the floor and I just wanted him to be held. He wasn’t crying or anything, but it just really bothered me. She was so sweet. She went out there and got him and held him in the hall where I could see her holding him. That was such a big relief for me. I actually saw her in the store several months later and she asked if I remembered her. I just started crying and hugged her and thanked her for holding him. She cried too and told me how scary the whole thing had been. I agreed.
Anyway, they were hooking me up to millions of IV’s. After seeing all of the fluid on my lungs from the X-Rays they weren’t sure what was going on. Life Flight was coming, and they wanted to do a CT scan. At this point they had already ruled out pneumonia. Now they were thinking blood clot to the lugs. I was really drifting in and out of consciousness at this point. Also, by now, a lot of my family members were there, but they all had to be briefed in the hall not to cry or say anything that might upset me. The high blood pressure was still very risky. I remember being wheeled back for the CT scan. I also remember laying there on that table being so scared, but finally being at peace. I was pretty sure I was going to die. Seriously. I remember thinking, “This is it for me. I have a brand new baby and I will not get to see him grow up. I am totally going to die right here.” I made it out of that horrible room. Bearly. After this, my OB had caught wind of what was happening and he came into the ER to talk to me. I was so glad! Everyone was trying so hard not to upset me and it was so tense and scary in there, I had really felt all alone. He sat down on the edge of my bed. Held my hand and told me that they weren’t sure what was happening. My lungs had a lot of fluid and my blood pressure was out of control. He also told me that Life Flight was there and they were going to take me to Salt Lake. I asked what hospital and he told me the University of Utah. He also said that the flight crew was going to come in and put a tube in my throat to help me breathe. That really upset me, so I asked if I would be asleep for that, and he assured me that I would. He gave me a hug and told me that I was in good hands. Right after that, Brett and Mike gave me a blessing. Brett told me later that he wanted to be able to tell me that I was going to be fine, but the spirit wouldn’t let him say those words. At that point, nobody thought I would make it. Even today, nurses and Doctors from the hospital remember me and say to me now, “Wow... We were so sure you were going to die.” They put me out shortly after that.