the one about the furry handcuffs

Yes, I have furry handcuffs. Don't judge me, I have a good explanation!!

Brett has this buddy that lives in Evanston. He is hilarious!!! His name is Jerimy and He and Brett think they are both the greatest things alive. They are very funny together and quite crude (if you can imagine that coming from Brett!) I tease them about being lovers, boyfriends and soul mates. Jerimy was in town on Tuesday and I told Brett I would fix dinner for them so they could hang out. I had plans for the evening so I wouldn't be home. Anyway, after work, I ran to the grocery store to grab a few things. As I walked to the checkout, I noticed a bin of Valentine's clearance stuff. I will admit, I was hoping to find Reece's peanut butter hearts. But I found one better!!!! You guessed it! Furry handcuffs!! And they were CHEAP!
I knew it would be so funny to give them to Brett and Jerimy with their dinner. I made them a lovely dinner and gave them the handcuffs. It was funny and everything worked out just as I had planned. The next day, Quayd and his cousin found the handcuffs and thought they were super cool. They started playing with them and had a great time. They were totally clueless as to why they were red and furry, they just thought it was cool to play Houdini and cops and robbers with the new handcuffs. We just went with it. It was harmless...... UNTIL.... Quayd started telling us how they have been playing FBI at recess and how cool it would be to take the handcuffs and lock up the bad guy. OH MY HECK!!! Can you imagine??? What would the faculty think of the little Lane boy locking up naughty kids with red furry handcuffs!?!?!?! We told him he couldn't take them and he just didn't understand why. He tried to sneak them in his backpack, but I stopped him. Geez.... That was a close one! I would have been the talk of the school all because of a $.50 gag gift!

So see, it was totally innocent. A blog post about furry handcuffs turned out to be totally different than you expected, right?
Trust me... If I wanted to do the handcuff thing, Brett still has a pair of REAL handcuffs from way back when he was in police academy. I wouldn't mess around with these cheap plastic ones! ;)

the one about Valentine's Day

Brett and I are not super duper lovey dovey kind of people. I like snuggling, holding hands and all of that stuff, but only in the privacy of our own home. We are TOTALLY not into PDA's (public display of affection). I much rather have a little note or something than flowers. I don't like all of the cheesy teddy bears and stuff either. I like to eat out sometimes, but I hate crowded places and I really hate waiting a long time. Brett would say ditto to all of the things I just said. So when it comes to Valentine's Day we just don't really get into it. We usually stay home and I cook a big, super fancy dinner for all three of us. I can't imagine taking Quayd to a sitter while Brett and I have fun without him. We always get him a little gift, but don't like to spend money on each other. (This year Quayd got the movie "Space Buddies," a new BIONICLE, and a huge Hershey's kiss.) Anyway, this Valentine's was going to be no different. We had some movies to watch and we were just gonna veg out. I had to work from 8-3. At three, my replacement was supposed to come. 3:00 came and went. 3:30... nothing.... 4:00, 4:30.... Nothing. I realized I was gonna be stuck there all night. I called Brett and told him and Quayd to come to the hotel, we would stay the night and hang out. I had to be to work again at 8:00 the next morning anyway. Quayd had been playing with Amelia and he wanted her to come too, so they loaded up all of their stuff and joined me at the hotel. We called Wingers, Brett picked it up and we ended up having a pretty good night, considering the circumstances. When I got off work, I was so tired! We had asphalt pie from Wingers that we put in the freezer, so we ate that, exchanged our gifts (I'll tell you about that in a second), took a shower and went to sleep. It was a nice, quiet evening at the hotel so that was nice. Brett and Quayd were able to come into the back, eat with me and hang out. And we only had a few interruptions. Not the way I had planned to spend Valentine's Day, but it was ok.

Now let me tell you about our gifts. A few weeks ago, my friend Alison posted on her blog about 6 word memoirs. It is basically summing up your life in 6 words. It is so much fun. These can be silly, sweet, sad, anything. Just stick to 6 words. Here is a little snippet from the book.

Legend has it that Hemingway was once challenged to write a story in only six words. His response? “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” Starting in 2006, SMITH Magazine re-ignited the recountre by asking our readers for their own six-word memoirs. They sent in short life stories in droves, from the bittersweet (“Cursed with cancer, blessed with friends”) and poignant (“I still make coffee for two”) to the inspirational (“Business school? Bah! Pop music? Hurrah”) and hilarious (“I like big butts, can’t lie”).

Our newest book, Six-Word Memoirs on Love & Heartbreak, is a roller-coaster ride through the complexities of the human heart. It's just $10 — bring it instead of a bottle of wine to your next party.

Click here to read Alison's post. Also, you have to check out this website. SO COOL!

Anyway, Brett came home the other day and asked if I had read Alison's blog yet. I had not, so he told me all about it. He was so excited about it and insisted that we do this for each other this year. I was all for it. Brett doesn't like people to see his soft side. Of course, I have seen it. I promise it is there! But he has written me some beautiful letters before. He is VERY good with words. Before he had talked to me, he had already started writing his. The deal was that we had to write 10 for each other. These are the rules. At least one had to be funny, and at least one had to be serious. And because we are us.... at least one had to be dirty. ;D So on Saturday night, I got finished with work, and headed for the hotel room. I ended up getting adjoining rooms, so Quayd and Amelia were in one, us in the other. We got the kids all settled down for the night, then we shared our 6 word memoirs. We just took turns. Some of them were awesome, so I wanted to share. Don't worry. I will leave the dirty ones out!! I have to warn you though... Brett's are SO much better than mine. He was SO good at this. He is a man of few words. I, on the other hand... well, woman of MANY words, to say the least.

Mine:
being mother to your son... extraordinary.
disliked, liked, married. fell in love.
baby boy. greatest blessing. toughest trial.
carried baby. gave you a gift.
big boobs. small brain. your wife.


His:
I only have one true friend.
a promise to never ever leave.
measuring my love in light years.
only one kid. please stop asking.
days spent crying. can't parent alone.
new baby. death bed. true love.
days spent laughing, lifetime spent together.
best thing for me since me. (that is SO Brett!)

Aren't his so great! He rocks.

I love this idea. I think it is so much fun. It really makes you think about those defining moments in your life. I wanted to go search for this book for Brett, but I just didn't have time. This was such a good gift! I loved it. It meant more to me than any flowers, chocolate or a romantic evening alone. Our evening was spent just the way I would want it. Laying in bed, Quayd in the next room and us trying not to wake him because we were laughing so hard at some of the ones we had written. Then we made up a few more. So much fun! And that was our night. I was so tired from working a double, so I crashed.

It was one of the most memorable Valentine's Days EVER. Thank you Brett. Will you be mine? Forever?

the one about Valentine's Day

So I totally love holidays. LOVE LOVE LOVE them. But oddly, I am not the Valentine's super fan. The first couple of years I was married, I was kind of disapointed that Brett didn't do something wonderful for me. I always did BIG stuff for him and didn't really get much (or anything) in return. It always caused a big fight and I ended up with a broken heart. I finally realized that I married Brett. I married him because I love him. I love so many things about him and he is such a good guy that I am not going to be bummed about the things he is "not." So I have been trying to be better about controling my fellings about this stuff. He does his best though, and occasionally, he surprises me. This Valentine's Day, I was definately surprised! Let me start from the beginning...

Brett is not romantic at all. Like, really. Not even a little bit. I was giving him a hard time about a week ago about how I do all of the cooking and then I do all of the dishes. I was telling him that it was about his turn. So he told me that he would cook for me on Valentine's Day. I kindly and lovingly told him no and my reason was, "I still have to clean up the kitchen and you make a WAY bigger mess than I do. It's easier to do it myself. But thanks for the offer." That was the end of it. So the other day he asked if I would like him to cook for me or go out for Valentine's. Well, if you have tried to eat out in our town lately, you will understand why I didn't want to go out. #1. There is no place good to eat. #2. The service SUCKS! He said he was cooking so I just let him take over and I haven't worried about it. I haven't asked or nagged about it, I just thought I would let him take over. My only request was that Quayd was with us. No Babysitter. He is my Valentine too, afterall. Of course, Brett felt the same way. We are all three kind of a package deal. So I talked to him this afternoon and he told me that he had the meat taken care of, so I offered to make a side and dessert. Well, I came home from work and I got so excited to surprise him with a fancy table setting. Of course, I set the table for three. I used a white table cloth, tons of candles, a picture of Brett and I from last Valentine's Day, a picture of the three of us, and our wedding cake top. I borrowed some beautiful red wine glasses from my mom and I filled them with Brett's favorite drink. Black Cherry Kool-Aid. I made some angel hair pasta, a green salad, and I bought chocolate dipped strawberries, another of his faves. I got so excited for him to come home and see my surprise. He was surprised, but just to prove how Non-Romantic he is, he was much more excited with his combination license that came in the mail today. Oh well. Anyway, the meat he had bought was King Crab Legs and Shrimp. MY FAVORITES!!!!! I never get to cook sea food at home because Brett hates it, so I was super excited. He likes some shell fish, so he was happy about the crab too. Well, typical us, we realized that we didn't have crab leg cracker thingies, so we had to make a quick run to Wal-Mart. We also needed to pick up the rest of Quayd's present. He has been freaking out for the movie "Snow Buddies," and it has been difficult to find. They had it tonight. Phewwwww. We also got him a new Uno set and a huge jawbreaker. Not too fancy. Well, just as we were getting ready to leave for the store, I noticed a gift on the table. He was grinning from ear to ear and he told me to open it. Well, it was small, jewelry shaped, and had a jewelry store sticker on it! I was SHOCKED!! This is so out of the ordinary for him. I opened it up and it was a white gold necklace chain. He got me a beautiful white gold and pearl necklace last Christmas (another HUGE shocker) and the chain was cheap and broke soon after. I had an old silver one I was using, but it didn't look as nice. So I was thrilled, shocked and I felt like I was going to throw up. Anyway, dinner was great. Quayd hates seafood, so he had a hot dog, but our shrimp and crab were wonderful. Strawberries; wonderful. Black Cherry Kool-Aid; wonderful. Pasta; wonderful. Salad; didn't touch it, we got to full on other things and didn't want to waste valuable stomach space for healthy stuff. So after a great dinner, we all cleared the table, loaded the dishwasher and played Uno. Quayd LOVES the game Uno. He has the little kids simple Curious George version, but he is so good at playing, we thought he was ready for the grown-up version. He was pretty impressed that the box said it was for ages 7 and up, and he is only 5 and did great. It was fun. Then Quayd and I made a bed on the living room floor, Brett relaxed in his recliner and we watched Survivor and last night's Big Brother that we missed. We were in bed before 10:00 PM. Quayd went right to sleep. Brett and I went to sleep a little later. (wink, wink) Actually, Brett is asleep now and I am blogging, but whatever. It was a great day. I can't think of another way I would rather spend it than with the two most important men in my life.

Let me back up a little bit and tell about the earlier half of my day. I was able to help in Quayd's class for his Valentine's Party. It was fun. He requested that I come up with a Valentine Bowling game. It was tricky, but I figured it out, and it was lots of fun. The kids loved it. They also played Bingo and made sugar cookies. After school/work, Quayd and I went to lunch at Arby's and I went and had my nails filled in. Don't worry. NO BLUE HEARTS! I have decided to stay away from the airbrush table for awhile.

Well, I would like to close my blog today by telling ten things I love about both of my Valentines.

Brett:
1. He is so funny! He is totally different around me at home that he is around everyone else. He is just so silly.
2. He teases me constantly. Most of the time I love it!!
3. He is great at BBQ'ing.
4. He acts well under pressure. When ever something major happens, he knows just what to do.
5. This one would be on the list of 10 things I hate about him too, but... He knows EVERYTHING! Most of the time it drives me nuts, but sometimes it comes in handy.
6. He really lets me do whatever I want. He doesn't try to control me or anything. He never complains when I want to have a girl's night or go scrappin' late or something.
7. He respects me.
8. He trusts me.
9. HE LOVES ME!!! He loves me no matter what I look like, how much I weigh, how stinky my farts are, how bad my morning breath is, how scary my hair looks in the morning, how grouchy I am, how silly I am, how PMS-ey I am, how quirky I am, how slow I drive, how big my feet are, how cold my butt is when I get in bed, how dirty my car is, how much diet pepsi I drink, he just loves me for me. Isn't that awesome?
10. He is a dork. REALLY! and I LOVE that about him. It makes me laugh. He forgets things all of the time and I just love it! It bugs the crap out of me, but I LOVE it.

Quayd
1. He is so sweet.
2. He is so good!!!
3. He is funnier than anything in the world! I constantly laugh at him.
4. He is smart and reminds me all the time about the things I should and should not be doing. We ofter refer to him as Jiminy Cricket.
5. He is my one and only! I witnessed so many miracles when he came into this world, and I will treasure those experiences forever. I feel like he has seen me in my very darkest moments and my very best moments. I don't really believe in soul mates, but if there were soul mates, Quayd would be mine. We just get each other.
6. He loves Chinese food and going to the movies!!! (Brett doesn't, so we sneak out and have "dates" sometimes. I love it.
7. He is a Momma's boy. Is there anything better in the whole world than a Momma's Boy?
8. He is kind and caring. He doesn't see race, disabilities, or imperfections.
9. He has 3 nipples. I know. It's weird, but I love it. It's so cute.
10. He has the best kisses in the whole world, and when he wraps his arms around my neck, kisses me and tells me he loves me, my heart just melts.


Wow. That was really hard. Hard because it was tough to narrow it down to 10 for each of them. These are the men that love me, protect me, put me on a pedastal, treasure me, and trust me to take care of them. Being a wife and mom is the best job ever and I am so glad that I get to spend forever with these two awesome guys. Happy Valentine's Day!